Translated Tuesday: Episode 1 (The Humans)

So I got this idea from one guy who got the idea from another guy, and there have been some very funny google translate escapades.

 

I hope to make this a weekly series, and in the first episode, I am going to translate 5 extracts from The Humans, by Matt Haig.

 

Original:

I do not like wearing clothes. They chafe. They are uncomfortable around my genitals.

 

Improved:

I do not like to wear. He friction. They are not comfortable around my genitals.


 

 

Original:

Primes, quite literally, sent people insane.

 

Improved:

Not bit, literally, sent to a lunatic.


 

Original:

Are we going to have sex?

 

Improved:

Do we have sex?


 

 

Original:

 

The humans are an arrogant species, defined by violence and greed. They have taken their home planet, the only one they currently have access to, and placed it on the road to destruction. They have created a world of divisions and categories and have continually failed to see the similarities between themselves.

 

Improved:

Guy arrogant view of the definition of violence and greed. The house is on the ground, all of them shot, make perdityon approach road. To create a world of divisions and categories, we still confirm their similarity.

 

Wow, okay!


 

 

Original:

I wasn’t alone. There was the dog, Newton. The dog named after a human who had come up with the ideas of gravity and inertia. Given the slow speed with which the dog left its basket, I realised the name was a fitting tribute to these discoveries.

 

Improved:

I am learning more about humans. They are more complicated than we first thought. They are sometimes violent, but more often care for each other. There is more goodness in them than anything else, I am convinced of it.

 

 

 

That was fun – I enjoyed that process.

The next episode, I will be having some fun with Persuasion by Jane Austen. Stay tuned!

 

Thank you for reading,

– Catriona

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